Around this time last year, I was in Peru with my family and on the beginning of our trip around the world. Sometimes it feels like the trip was all a dream – that it never happened to me. But then, I receive a Facebook message from someone I met in India or see a friend I met in Bali. It is in those moments that I am reminded how my world has changed and gotten so much smaller.

New Zealand

New Zealand

Thailand

Thailand

Turkey

Turkey

Serbia

Serbia

Italy

Italy

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Australia

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(image via here)

The one where I’ve climbed to the top of a steep outdoor staircase, the others in line behind me, and it’s my turn to transfer onto the wobbly, metal platform adjacent to the stairs.  Most of them are encouraging me, even cheering me on. But I’m stalling and anxious until, at an unpredictable moment, I clumsily make the transition.  Once I’ve reached the other side, the only one who acted impatient and unsupportive started telling the rest of us who we were & what she thought of us.  To me she said, “You are the same as me.”  This was certainly not a compliment and I didn’t receive it as such.

When I woke, still aware of the terror I felt by the height of the stairs and the unsteadiness of the metal platform, as well as my indignance at her words, I thought of my family and the saying we learned together: First you mock the position, then you’re in the position.

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As If It Were A Dream is an ongoing series in which I will pair an image with some of my own writings. Previous installments: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

I am home.

There is something so dainty and girlie about my childhood bedroom that I never fully resonated with until I got a bit older. It is funny how now, at a time when I care about design and aesthetics, I fully feel at ease in the room that has been mine my entire life.

Though there were times when I cursed the wallpaper while blasting Bush or dying my hair with Kool-Aid – it is now in my adult life that I fully embrace the softness that comes up in me when I am in this room.

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Replica of the Statue of Liberty at the Brooklyn Museum

F:  What do you do to make yourself feel better when you are run down?

L:  Is this a veiled hint or just a well-timed question?!  When I feel run down, I try to make time to do nothing, though I often push it too long before forcing some downtime.  I’ve also thought of Dr. Junger’s, “No worry, no hurry” many times since you wrote about it.

F:  What is your favorite part about your morning routine?

L:  Coffee

F: How was your weekend? What did you do?

L:  The weekend was fun.  I went to Connecticut with a bunch if friends, then rented a car and drove to Ithaca to see another friend. I haven’t driven a long trip like that by myself in a long time & it was really nice.

F. What is your favorite poem?

L:  I’m not sure that it is all my all time favorite but the first poem that came into my head is this one by W.H. Auden.  I’ve seen it titled “Funeral Blues” as well as “Song IX” and “Song for Hedli Anderson.”

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead.
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last forever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now; put out every one,
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun,
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the woods;
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

-- W H Auden

F: How are your plants doing? Take a pic for me to see.

L:  They are doing pretty well.  I still haven’t done a re-pot & I think I moved one into an area with too much light.  But I moved it back where it was and have been giving it some extra attention and I think it’s bouncing back.  I also bought a basil plant a the grocery store and it was dead within a week.  I think it’s about the third time I’ve done that; I don’t know why I can’t keep those alive.

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Release

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I heard an African proverb today that says: Cut out the thorn that you know will prick you.

Thorns

(image via flickr)

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There is no way for me to hear the word release and not think about yoga. To this day, I do not think I have felt a better release in my life than through yoga. I am committing here and now to get back to my practice.

This video was shown to me by my friend Bonnie and is so beautifully inspiring. It just reminds me of the calm, strength, power and release that yoga brings into your life.

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(Image found here)

I have been working on the westside of Los Angeles and there is a serious case of June Gloom happening over there. Gloominess doesn’t tend to be a word that brings tons of positive images, however I am enjoying the gloomy break from the sunshine. I get to wear some other clothes from my closet and not feel bad about missing the sunny days while inside. The weather has also led me to listen to certain songs I wouldn’t otherwise be listening to. Here is my June Gloom playlist.

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(Cedar Point, Ohio via here)

I went to a presentation yesterday in which someone compared a long-term project to a roller coaster ride. He emphasized the need to just go with it. While this is a comparison we’ve all heard – many times, probably – it somehow struck me in a deeper way yesterday. The point was less about expecting “ups and downs” and more about surrendering to the ride with a sense of acceptance and grace, rather than one of resistance and panic.  This made me think of the soothing voice of Mary Maddox over at Meditation Oasis.  I continue to keep her guided meditation podcasts loaded up on my phone.  If you’re interested, you can listen to one here.

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L:  Do you have a personal mantra (in general or right now)?

F:  I have been reading Dr. Junger’s new book Clean Gut.  In it, he tells an ancedote that ends in a lesson of “Don’t worry. Don’t hurry.”  Ever since I read that, I find myself thinking it or saying it out loud. It is mostly a reminder to slow down.

L:  What have you learned after your first week on the job?

F:  I have learned a lot. Most importantly, I would say that I never truly realized the value of having a strong community of liked minded people around you. Everyone that I work with is more awesome than the next. It makes a huge difference to be around people who are nice and share your same goals.

L:  What’s the best meal you’ve eaten recently?

F:  When Julie was in town we made an intuitive meal which consisted of a shaved brussel sprout salad with lemon and avocado, sauteed red cabbage with balsalmic and homemade, gluten-free breaded chicken tenders. It was fantastic!  Honestly, I can not get enough of home cooked meals.

L:  What’s the last song you listened to?

F:  Oh man, Teddy and Kelley (our brother and soon to be sister-in-law) showed me this nutso video by Diplo. I used to listen to Diplo all the time and after seeing this crazy video I am hooked on the song.

L:  What do you do if you can’t sleep?

F:  I have started to sleep with a sleep mask. I feel like a reality tv star or something, but I try to have the room as dark as possible, not to eat close to my bedtime and have the best most, relaxing wind down – slowly easing into bed.

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(image via here)

This past weekend was pretty wonderful. I went into it with almost no plans, then really delightful and special experiences just kept popping up along the way. Coincidently, I decided last week that I was going to try to get into Vine, Twitter’s 6-second video sharing app. I actually find it really difficult to film an appealing video in this way but, at a minimum, I’m momentarily committed to giving it a go. Here’s a little look back, 6-seconds at a time.