I’ve been thinking about how fast the lessons from our great adventure faded. Every once and a while, I want to go back to the feeling of it all. I wrote this the night before we left for New York after 6 months of traveling. I am so glad I did, even though it might seem intense, these are my truths from the whole experience:
I’ve literally been around the world.
I have starved. I have been excessive.
I have been snobbish. I have been humbled.
I have been obsessed with the news. I have had to ban myself from the news.
I have been ashamed of my country and embarrassed to be an American.
I have felt pride in my home and dread to return to it. I have been miles from war zones, genocides, terror and imprisonment.
I have spent weeks meditating and hours watching tv in languages I do not know.
I have read books that made me cry, laugh, nauseous, yearn and lust.
I have been haunted and I have been completely exposed.
I have embellished and I have omitted.
I have faced my fears and I have gained more.
I have never slept worse and never slept better.
I have sobbed when saying goodbye to a stranger I met 30 minutes earlier and I have said hello to my family with serenity.
I have learned grace and I have learned age.
I have faced my truths and i have lied to myself.
I have brooded in tragedies and ignored the ones at the tables next to me.
I have been so alone and I have been so comforted.
I have had strangers weep their life stories to me within minutes of meeting. I have been cold to perfect strangers for no reason.
I have been jealous of others and I have flaunted.
My heart has pounded through my chest and at times. I have never felt so calm.
I have held on and I have let go.
I have been stubborn, childish, foolish and insecure.
I have been strong, mature, wise and proud.
At times I feel suffocated by the unbearable weight of the world and its complexities.
There are moments when I feel the answers are so simple.
I have felt sick, surprised, moved and annoyed.
I have had moments that I will cherish for as long as I live.
Farrell, you are so thoughtful and true. Thank you for this, I didn’t even know I needed it.