Paradoxical

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I’ve been thinking about how fast the lessons from our great adventure faded. Every once and a while, I want to go back to the feeling of it all. I wrote this the night before we left for New York after 6 months of traveling. I am so glad I did, even though it might seem intense, these are my truths from the whole experience:

I’ve literally been around the world.

I have starved. I have been excessive.

I have been snobbish. I have been humbled.

I have been obsessed with the news. I have had to ban myself from the news. 

I have been ashamed of my country and embarrassed to be an American. 

I have felt pride in my home and dread to return to it. I have been miles from war zones, genocides, terror and imprisonment.

I have spent weeks meditating and hours watching tv in languages I do not know.

I have read books that made me cry, laugh, nauseous, yearn and lust.

I have been haunted and I have been completely exposed.

I have embellished and I have omitted.

I have faced my fears and I have gained more.

I have never slept worse and never slept better.

I have sobbed when saying goodbye to a stranger I met 30 minutes earlier and I have said hello to my family with serenity.

I have learned grace and I have learned age.

I have faced my truths and i have lied to myself.

I have brooded in tragedies and ignored the ones at the tables next to me.

I have been so alone and I have been so comforted.

I have had strangers weep their life stories to me within minutes of meeting. I have been cold to perfect strangers for no reason.

I have been jealous of others and I have flaunted.

My heart has pounded through my chest and at times. I have never felt so calm.

I have held on and I have let go.

I have been stubborn, childish, foolish and insecure.

I have been strong, mature, wise and proud.

At times I feel suffocated by the unbearable weight of the world and its complexities.

There are moments when I feel the answers are so simple.

I have felt sick, surprised, moved and annoyed.

I have had moments that I will cherish for as long as I live.

1 comment
  1. jo said:

    Farrell, you are so thoughtful and true. Thank you for this, I didn’t even know I needed it.

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