Overcast

My funk this week snuck up on me swiftly. One moment I was fine, the next moment there was this…dis-ease. Sure, this happens now and then. I’ve gotten into a “bad mood” many times before. But this funk was different. The tastes and the textures of it felt unfamiliar. There was almost a distance that I felt from it. There was me and then there was this funk. We were not one in the same. The difference was that I was completely aware of it – as if it was sitting next to me. In dull moments, I would hear it whisper to me. But I would just hush it. I was more aware of the ways my mind was trying to indulge in itself and tell me things that were simply not true. I decided not to take the thoughts and feast on them, like I normally would.  I decided not to pretend to be my own fortune teller (ok, maybe I did for a second, but I caught myself) or re-write history. I decided not to overtalk the funk like I normally would have. Sure, when I felt sad, I let myself. When I felt lonely, I really let myself. When I felt defeated, I let myself. But I didn’t tell myself I AM sad, lonely and defeated. As I write this, I now know that the trigger of this funk was change. Change is a wild beast that can’t be tamed and why would we want it to? It is what makes life exciting, unbelievable and fascinating. Sometimes when it happens in a way that is familiar, I panic.

The biggest game changer in this funk was my awareness of it. I guess I didn’t full realize that that awareness alone is some powerful shit.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_slYICgPsQc] [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKDPBt2m_iE]